Vunerability, I suck at that. But I'm learning.

I've figured out why today sucked SO bad.  I didn't sleep last night and you know how that can through off everything you thought to be true.  Then a friend confronted on a matter that I thought to be completely harmless but caused her discomfort which in turn hurt my heart to know that I hurt hers.  That didn't help.  I've sold my house.  I'm grieving over my children's home and I don't have another ready so it's off to the in-laws until we find a solution to our homelessness.  I've cried all damned day.  ALL DAMNED DAY!  I hate crying and I hate sadness so I work really damn hard to avoid it.  But that's not why today sucked so much.  Today sucked because I had a lesson that's been presenting itself to me for awhile.  And here it is.  Vulnerability.  I suck at being vulnerable.

But it lead me to something wonderful.  You.  People.  Friendships.  Equality.
I told the world via Facebook that I'm struggling and I need encouragement.  Since I hate being vulnerable very few people know when I'm struggling and therefore do not know to help me walk through my stuff.  So today I decided to tell whole world that I CAN'T DO THIS!  And it's true.  I can't walk this life alone.  I simply can't.  I need you and you and you and you.  I need all of you to tell me that I CAN do this life!  I need you to tell me that you think I'm amazing.  I need you tell me all there is that's good about me cause right now all I can see is my shit.  I'm guessing that at some point you need me, too.  Why do we work so hard to make the world believe that we are super women?  Good God, why?  Why do we need to impress others and in turn isolate ourselves?  I've done it for years and nothing good comes from it EVER!

You and I are equals in this journey.  We might be on different  paths but we have so much to offer one another.  We are teachers to each other.  If we let down our walls we can see that community is all around us.  But it takes vulnerability.  Be willing to be real and raw.  No one can know your pain if you are working so hard to be strong.  So soul sister, cry when you are sad, go punch something (not someone) when you are angry, confront someone when boundaries have been crossed and receive love.  Receive hugs.  I suck at all that but I'm learning and growing because of you.  You have taught and modeled love and vulnerability in front of me.

Thank you!
I love YOU!