I thought about the tropics today and how I hate the cold,
I thought about the sun and waves instead of the winds so bold,
I thought about leaving here and migrating onward south,
I thought about how much better it would be and the words exited my mouth.
Then...
I thought about the homeless mom and her hungry little kid,
I thought about how she must hate the cold more than I ever did.
I thought about my comfy home and then her home of naught,
I thought about had sad it was to have such a thankless thought.

The Doc said the mole concerns him...

My 10 year old has had a mole on her right cheek for several years now.  It has steadily grown and gotten darker and her dentist insisted that I have checked out.  We finally took her and the doc removed it and had it biopsied.  They called us with the results and said we have to go back in next week.  The mole has cells that could lead to cancer.  I'm sick to my stomach about it although it might be nothing.  No one EVER wants to even consider that hateful old word especially when it comes to their children.  My fears often paralyze me though the Bible says to have faith in all things.  I'm not going to pretend that I'm not scared because I AM!  God is always faithful yet I am always still human.  Many face horrible situations every day and I can't imagine their pain.  For now, I'm going to pray and research and try to make through a week of wondering. 

Church, The Great Misnomer

Reading through Matthew 23 and applying it today, I have been able to relate on a different level to those words of Jesus.  The question I receive most when encountering other Christians for the first time is, "Where do you go to church?"  I have to reply with a sort of rhetorical question, "What do you mean?"
Of course I know exactly what they mean!  They want to know what religious institution I attend so that they might be able to understand my Christian point of view.  But I have come to understand the word "church" as a misnomer when it comes to Christianity.  Asking me what church I go to is like asking me what family I go to.  That doesn't make sense.  Knowing now that the Christian church is a living organism and not a building created by the hands of men leads to me to ask that question.  You wouldn't ask me what family I attend would you?  Of course not!  You might ask me when do I get to visit with family and I would reply with, "As often as possible."  The same applies to church.  The appropriate question might be, "When or where do you meet with the church or the family of believers?"  I would reply with something like this, "Whenever and wherever possible!" 
My husband and I had the privilege of attend the "Riverdance Farewell Tour" recently.  While sitting in the huge crowd I had to relate it to the term "church" as it is used today.  I'm quite certain there were probably many believers in the building whom were doing the same as we were.  Sitting in our purchased seats, casually chatting with those around us, and waiting for the big show.  There was no depth to our "fellowship" nor did we care to ever see one another again.  We got what we paid for and left.  Very much like the so-called church of today!  The actual church Jesus spoke of was a family! 
Most institutional Christians have the following verse drilled into their heads: "And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near."  Hebrews 10:25.  What does this mean?  I see nothing about a building, a pastor, a priest, a choir, an offering plate or anything that resembles the assembling today.  Can you imagine how many Christians there actually were at the time of this writing?  Christians were often persecuted at the time and still quite sparse.  I can imagine that it was extremely important to meet together to encourage one another and to be with others of the same heart and mind.  I'm sure they sought every opportunity to meet up, hang out, eat, find comfort, discuss and love each other, just as family does today.  I believe it was personal and joyful.  Sometimes it was like a family reunion and other times more like a Saturday evening hangout. 
Church as we know it today is indeed a misnomer.  What is a misnomer?  Here is a Webster's definition:  a wrong or unsuitable name.  What could we appropriately call the religious institution known as Church today?  I don't really know but it doesn't appear to be from the One who created The Church in the beginning.  I'm overjoyed to be a member of His Church but not the one that is known today.

Being a teacher at a new school that has new ideals has proven to be a challenge that I hadn't expected.  I have been placed in a classroom full of students where the educational and maturity differences are vast.  Some days I feel like I should win the greatest teacher in the world prize while other days I feel as if I should just quit.  I really don't understand why God has called me to be a teacher.  Honestly I don't feel I have any special gifts or talents.  Whatever His reasoning I know that His plan is perfect.  I question my own teaching style, my own actions, and my own words constantly.  I see other teachers whom appear to be unconcerned with what the parents think of them, what the kids think of them and what other teachers think of them.  I am concerned with everything everyone thinks of me.  These parents are trusting me with their most prized possession and I don't want to let them down.  Each child has a tender, sensitive heart that I have the power to make or break.  I am very thoughtful (almost to the point of worry) about each child's educational needs.  Having such huge grade differences leaves me feeling that I just might be leaving gaps in those little knowledge banks we call brains.  I spend sleepless nights thinking and praying over my students or I wake startled by one of my concerns for a student.  One negative word from any parent hurts so deeply knowing the heart and brain effort put into each student.  Then I have days when a parent thanks me for saving their child's attitude towards school, when a child tells me I'm their favorite teacher, and when a project turns out just right and the kids learned so much.  The days that I see that a child has taken a character trait I've been talking about and applies it in an unexpected setting helps me to understand a little more about why I'm there.  It feels so nice when a parent leaves flowers for me for no reason or drops an email just to say, "Thank you!"
Despite all of the positives and victories my insecurities always get the best of me.  I suppose I need to lean more on God knowing that He is working out His perfect plan and less on the words of those who are clueless as to what is really happening in our own little learning world.  I also need to understand that I can't please all people at all times.  Some will choose to love me, my class, and my school while others will choose options more fitting for them.  I will give of myself what is available and appropriate.  The days of ignoring my home and family for the sake of providing the perfect education are over.  My children and my husband need my best and not my job leftovers.  God is creating a beautiful balancing act with my home and classroom but in the meantime I need to overcome my internal battles.  Just another lesson in this journey I like to call MY LIFE!

So much to do, so little time!  When I start to feel this way I do the one thing I should not; I do nothing!  I get trapped in my own mind and either gaze out the window or find something totally irrelevant to distract my cluttered brain.  Apparently I'm not the only who feels this way.  Other friends that I feel compelled to complain to about my ADD like symptoms often confess and say they find themselves in the same situation.  What causes me to fall into this relentless trap?  I'm sure someone out there has the answer but until there is a cure I will continue to try to improve and forgive myself for my own shortcomings. 

Year 2011 Review

Year 2011 proved to be completely WEIRD!  I felt a strange urge last spring to do something called, "Undo Me Ministries."  I went with it and my world was rocked, to say the least.  I helped a marriage, while challenging my own, closed my business that I dearly loved to follow another calling that I didn't know existed,  weaned myself off of potent medications without the support of my doctor.  Started working at a Christian school.  Lost my grandmother that I loved dearly.  My husband and I made some unorthodox church and "religion" changes that traditional Christians would NOT agree with!  We also decided to really study the Bible on our own and challenged ourselves to forsake traditions of men.  We have found nutritional discoveries that have made positive impacts on our family.  I lost a friendship that I had been holding on to but knew God wanted otherwise.  It hurt but was for the best.  I have reconnected with family in the strangest of ways, that makes me smile.  And lastly, I'm learning to be me!  Laughing only when it's funny, speaking the truth when needed, being quiet in many situations and learning to love at all times.  What in the world is in for 2012?  Happy New year!